May 29, 2014

I Am Unmotivated Katie, Hear Me Ro---ZZzzzzzzzzzz

As of recent I have become extremely tired, like all the tizzy-time. I have zero energy and would like to stay in bed until I am 84...or at least until 10 am. I have been trying to get myself to the gym in the morning which has been working but goodness, I loathe the gym. It smells of sweat, spandex and air conditioning all mixed together. I also am finding it hard to want to go anywhere because no bus or car will get me to London. And let's be honest, I am a woman obsessed with London. 
So....I think another How To is in order, because we all need a little boost in areas. This how to is called How To: Be A Couch Potato.

Step 1: Find a couch.
Step 2: If you cannot locate a couch reconsider your furnishing purchases, and let's hope you have a bed.
Step 3: Grab 4-5 pillows, the fluffier the better for these will mold to your arms and head PERFECTLY.
Step 4: Make sure you have a hot beverage, or cold, I am not one to tell you what to drink.
Step 5: Cookies. Have those things out.
Step 6: Grab a cozy blanket, introduce yourself to the blanket--"Hello blue soft goodness, my name is Katie, I am thankful for you." This is important as you and blanket will be spending a lot of time together. Blanket and you are now BFF's. Your welcome.
Step 7: If you are wearing jeans, well you FOOL! Do you sleep in your clothes??? Jeans are for leaving the house and getting ready for the day...a couch potato would never do such a thing. Please locate your nearest comfy pjs or stretchy pants and put them on.
Step 8: Cell phone. Laptop. Chargers. Make sure you are near an outlet, like so near you do not have to leave your horizontal position.
Step 9: Find an addicting tv series to watch. Last summer when I was recovering from surgery I found the BBC shows the most addicting and entertaining. But whatever floats your couch man.
Step 10: If you have never mind, couch potatoes don't own responsibility. If you have a pet, you are irresponsible. I have cats but I live with my parents, soooooo.....Mommmmm
Step 11: Recline. Open your cookies. Drink your drink. 
Step 12: Watch your show.
Step 13: Don't move. If you find yourself leaving the couch after 2 hours, you my friend are just a human being. Not a couch potato. Please leave the Couch Potato Anonymous group.
Step 14: Make sure you are possessive about your place on the couch. Only a true couch potato would freak if someone sat in their perfectly molded cushion. 
Step 15: Don't shower until absolutely necessary. And by necessary I mean if you have a formal event to go to, or like friends to see (true couch potato has friends come to them...or just doesn't have friends, I mean you are friends with your blanket so. Hah!)
Step 16: Words like running, health, work, outdoors, should make you squirm...or vomit.

Disclaimer : If you actually succeed in these steps you may find yourself talking to your cats (i do this anyways with or without spending hours on end on a couch), friendless, and poor. Also smelly. Very smelly. So please, go climb a hill, be social and enjoy your life. YAHOO. 

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