It was both joyful and terrifying.
Joyful because I live for my birthday. I also love spending the day with my family.
Terrifying in the fact that this age sounds like one should have their stuff together. I in fact do not have my life together.
You see, I am 29 now which when I was kid meant that I would have the house, the family, the car all good to go and cute.
In reality I have the apartment, myself, and my dad's old car (which I do love btw), and that's all folks.
I'm not entirely sure why I feel on edge about the way my current life situation is. Maybe it is because time continues to tick forward while I still feel as if I am in mud up to my thighs. I think that there is an undeniable feeling of self doubt and insecurities that crop up if you are an unwed, and no children in your near future lady.
Struggling to find things to keep me calm, obviously I turn to God a lot more than I ever had before. I am also finding myself drinking more tea, sitting on the couch watching rom-com's, and also baking a lot. But I spose those are all good things. I have also started going back to the gym after 5 weeks of not going. Which is really beneficial for my mental state.
It's all a confusing time. I am pretty sure this post is poorly written, but I don't mind. Basically what I trying to say is I am now officially an adult approaching 30 and my life is not the "typical" package, but it's my own and I am on a different route that I am sure will bring me the most joy and self growth than I ever thought imaginable. There are a lot of growing pains still, and expectations that I have to release but that's life. Anyways, thought I would share that as I constantly have this inner dialogue to myself when I go grocery shopping for me, buy material items just for me, go places alone, drive by myself, come home to myself. It will all be fine because I will have some type of adventure.
My sister just came in and started excitedly screaming at me for blogging.
BLAH BLAH BYE.
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