Since my summer is sadly coming to an end and school will start up again for me at the end of this month, I thought it would be high time to do a proper "How To" post,
but this time it would be a how to on being a bad roommate.
I have put them into steps for you to achieve the ultimate
Step 1: When you meet your new roommate for the first time, make sure to give them the short end of the stick. On everything.
Step 2: only talk to your roommates when you are trying to decipher who has what in the room.
Step 3: weekend. Drink till you can't tell what level to have your voice at.
Step 4: when you party make sure to come back to the room at 3 am and be as loud as you can. You don't want the roomies to sleep.
Step 5: Garbage duties. Ew. Leave that to them.
Step 6: When watching tv, make sure to only watch Dance Diva in the main room. The key point to this is to watch it at the same loud volume from sun up to sun down. The more yelling the show has the happier your roommates will be with you.
Step 7: Invite lots of people of the opposite sex over. People of your gender are so boring. And pure competition.
Step 8: Make sure to never invite the roommates out with you, unless it's wednesday and they are wearing pink.
Step 9: Cleaning the dorm. Uh no. That is for your maids to do. Aka the roomies.
Step 10: When the other roommate that you favor is out of the room, then and ONLY then may you have small and non thought provoking conversations with the roommate who you find less than cool.
Step 11: Practice glaring at yourself in the mirror, one must be prepared to give the roommate this look when they say "Hello" to you. I mean that is such a horrible word, "Hello".
Step 12: When it comes time for your hygienic evening or morning routine, make sure to turn up your music at a volume where the neighbors down the hall can hear it. You are taking a shower, you need good tunes to dance to and you do not like the sound of "shower". Crank dat music.
Step 13: By now your roommate(s) either want to hurt you or burn every thing of yours that makes noise, it is now high time you add in the "SLAMMING OF THE DOOR" into your routine. Make sure to have your headphones on full blast though when you slam the door because then you can honestly say that you didn't know you were slamming it. OH also, be sure to do this when your roomies are sleeping.
Step 14: If you've made it to this step and still have roommates, well then I applaud you. This next step is things you do in college that other people don't want to know about. Do it. And make sure your roommates are home because obviously they are stupid.
Step 15: Well you are a trooper. Please ignore your roommates when they enter the room and when you pass them on the way to class. Was that the wind?
Step 16: When it comes time to move out, because obvi you will be moving out before other students because you are better than them, pack up your belongings as close to midnight as possible and make sure to throw things around. Wouldn't want your roommates to miss you showing off how much better you are than them.
Step 17: Be gone. Leave. Move out. And make sure to have friends come over and help you (during finals week) so you your roommate gets so disrupted they leave the room and go to the library because you honestly don't care enough to know why.
Step 18: Have a great day. Make sure never to say bye to your old roomies I mean come on, they were just not to your high standard of "loveliness".
And that is how you can attempt to be a bad roommate. Please do not ever try this.
**disclaimer: If these events sound remotely similar to any situations I have blogged about in the past, well that is just by chance that that happened. These steps are not at all based on real events. ;)**